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2 YEAR!!!!

Tomorrow will be my 2 year stroke anniversary. I'm so full of many emotions!! I cannot believe how far I've come, It's been such a battle, ups and downs, lows, highs. I'm so happy that I get another birthday... and tomorrow will be my 2nd! I am proud stroke survivor, and there is not ONE day I don't stop and smell the roses.

A YEAR AGO TODAY...

I was admitted to to the Scottsdale Healthcare Osborn Medical Center, the stroke floor, level 3. Today is a milestone for me in many ways not only the year mark of my stroke but also, a year without cigarettes, and my new healthier lifestyle. Most importantly in this post I would like to thank the staff and team-members that helped saved my life this day one year ago. My Neurology Dr. Reese, Cardiologist Dr. Burke, My Radiologist /Surgeon Dr Newbold , the team of nurses, they truly took every measure to make sure I am here today and are the best staff in the COUNTRY, I am so blessed to have them as my team. My recovery is miraculous and you would never know I have had suffered a stroke unless I were to tell you, I'm lucky as I have reached out to other stroke survivors who had  face paralysis, speech problems, in a wheelchair, or brain damaged. It's hard for me see situations where I feel almost "too lucky" sometimes, just because my damage isn't on the outside, it's on the inside. But that doesn't mean my struggles aren't harder or easier, they are just different in everyone's case. In my case I was given my voice and my life back and I can not express my gratefulness. <3 -Sam

Anxious!!

With only 10 days until my year of my life celebration(year since my stroke).... i'm REALLY nervous!! I keep recalling the events, the trauma, what your body truly can go through. The body is miraculous but so is the human mind. I keep having dreams, or day dreams recalling events, other stroke survivors have assured me it's normal, but I can't help but feel this anxiety. Its' weird how the only person who knows what its like to have a stroke is to actually experience it. No Neurologist, Cardiologist, Radiologist, no nurse, no aid, none of your friends, usually not your own family members either know what you've been through. They watched it, but never felt it.  The only people that I can relate to are those who have been through what I have. People who wouldn't take no for an answer, people who wouldn't be a "victim". Other survivors are so strong and positive it encourages me to be a better stroke advocate, and I will continue; for those who passed from strokes, or for those who aren't as lucky as I am. I have my voice back. . -Sam

Recovery

It's coming up to my year anniversary of my stroke on July 13, 2012. I never thought that I would be where I am today when I was laying in that hospital bed almost a year ago. From what my doctors were saying my recovery would be at least 8 months of disability off of work, if not more, and that I could possibly never talk again(with out an impediment), and that I may never regain my writing(handwriting). I laughed on the inside "These doctors don't know me". I rock and rolled right through my physical therapy as well as speech therapy. I was cutting hair within a month of my stroke. I didn't have my physical strength but I had my inner strength, and am I one stubborn girl! I've always been strong willed and that's what I think helped in my recovery as well. But my recovery is far from over...it is a daily struggle for me. But rather than looking at the situation as a "stroke victim"...I look at it as a stroke SURVIVOR. My handwriting isn't the same, I essentially had to re learn to write the alphabet (although typing came to me quicker than the writing) and looking at old papers of mine is sometimes emotional, but I like my new handwriting too. Unfortunately, reading for me has changed its appeal, before the stroke I was a big reader especially right before. I can read a couple pages but often times leads to head aches. But this blog isn't for sympathy so if you want to feel bad for someone, don't feel bad for me. The stroke has changed my life in so many ways I cannot describe for the better, and what would life be without a good challenge? :)
-Sam

A Day At A Time

For me it's really hard to talk about my time in the hospital including procedures, tests, medical terminology. Right after the stroke I found myself angry when I would see a hospital scenes on TV and I'd say "ITS NOT REALLY LIKE THAT!" For a while my family and boyfriend would automatically change it, before i'd get upset. It was a struggle to tune the negativity I was feeling to my out look today. It's still a struggle and something that I deal with everyday and will for the rest of my life. My next blog will be more about the recovery process from the stroke until now. I still believe that I am very blessed, and will continue to get better and share my story. -Sam

My first post!!

So, I figured the only way to do this is to just dive right in! My name is Sam, I was only 21 years old when I suffered my stroke. I was at my boyfriends house, luckily, around 10:30pm when I had my first symptom. I stood out of bed and had a horrible headache right above both eyes, similar to migraine pains but much severe. My right arm curled to my chest...I pulled it from my chest downwards thinking that this MUST be a scene out of a movie. After I pulled my arm back down the second time, excruciating pain in my head which knocked me off of my feet, and luckily onto the bed. I laid in bed for about 30 minutes before I went to get my boyfriend for help. I am actually prone to migraines and I figured that this was a just a REALLY bad one. When I tried to speak to my boyfriend nothing came out... literally syllables. Nothing that I was thinking wasn't coming out, I immediately freaked out and grabbed a napkin, because obviously I knew communication at this point wasn't happening verbally.  I grabbed a pen, and I remember it felt very weird in my hand, but I still tried to write: "This (talking) is hard for me."...I wrote "H R r R."
You have to try to understand; I call it "The Fog" (the state of confusion I was in during the hospital and recovery.) and nobody having a stroke is thinking rationally because their brain is literally swelling. I made the decision to sleep it off. For some reason I thought it was going to be okay, it was just going to go away after i woke up, but I didn't sleep at all that night because of my headache and the fear of the situation. I woke my boyfriend up at 5:30am and he was ready to go to the hospital. I called my mom that morning (because shes a nurse), she  heard two words out of my mouth and said "Go the to Emergency Room immediately". I don't remember that night or the drive to the hospital, but I do remember my boyfriend walking me into the ER, the nurses running me back (which usually there's a wait in the ER, I knew something was really wrong.) They started IV immediately, stabilized me, then rushed me to cat-scan. The Dr. came into the room, just me and my boyfriend expecting them to tell us that we could leave, he cleared his throat, put a picture on the wall of my brain and stated "I looks like you've suffered three small strokes; we will be admitting you to the stroke unit."
 I am so blessed that I had my best friend/boyfriend with me the whole time. He left once and it was to shower and to cry. Because I couldn't talk he literally had to talk for me, and he did a great job. My family was amazing and supportive and i know it's why I recovered so quickly. I quickly made that hospital room my own with everything I could to make it feel normal. But It wasn't "normal"..I wasn't "normal"... "was I going to be okay?... was I going to have another stoke in the night? Was my family and boyfriend going to watch me die?" So many questions come to mind when you cant speak you'd be surprised.  And when you're fate is on a screen, its not a TV show, and you know it might not be okay.. and I had to be a peace with that. Yeah you can nod and understand what the Doctors, Neurologists, Cardiologists are saying but you can't scream "AM I GOING TO DIE?"
After numerous tests, procedures, blood draws (labs), no real food, IV diet; echiocardigrams, numerous MRIS, ultrasounds of my entire body, I had angiagram preformed which is invasive, I felt completely helpless waiting for the next gurney to take me to my next test. Then finally some results!! One of the ultrasounds showed that I was born with a hole in my heart, which 25% of the population walks around with and has no problems...now this hole in my heart allowed a blood clot that was in my leg to travel through that hole (the size if a pin head) and up to my brain. This may sound like a lot of bad luck but it intern saved my life. If i would have suffered a pulmonary embolism, I would not have made it. The blood clot in my leg was caused by cigarettes and hormonal birth control. Two risk factors that I would hear about but wouldn't ever imagined that it would happen to ME? I should have just gotten a lottery ticket that day, I was the statistic. I tried to wrap my head around all of this as the swelling came down and my speech was improving as well as my strength and slowly I felt like "The Fog" was lifting, I was 21 and invincible...right? 
Luckily, where my stroke was located I didn't loose too much function of my body or memory (long term, ie schooling), it was just cogitative, I could think of what I wanted to say it just wouldn't come out right. I was discharged from the hospital and couldn't wait to just be "normal", However, normal was far from what I was imagining, recovery IS one of the hardest parts of the stroke; if you're even lucky enough to recover at all or even live. A normally confident young woman shut down and was so insecure, but I knew that I needed to take a hold of the reins of my life, for whatever reason I was given a second chance and I am here fulfilling my obligation: To tell people my story and educate young people about stroke awareness, compassion, and prevention.
-Sam